Fez #47: Carl “Catfish” Schneider


I, your humble and obedient (yeah, right) servant “Catfish”, do hereby beg your consideration of my request to join your most exalted ranks.

I was born to wear the Fez… literally. An unfortunate case of “butterfingers” on the part of mom’s obstetrician resulted in the newborn Catfish landing smartly, headfirst, in the delivery room floor drain. By the time I was extricated, my pliable neo-natal skull had assumed the truncated-cone shape of the drain interior… and stayed that way.

In my school days, this embarrassing condition was easily concealed by the dunce cap my teachers generally asked me to wear, but the approach of manhood demanded a more permanent solution. Trendy hairstyles worked for a while, but thinning dome-foliage eventually required me to look further.

The answer to my woes came as the result of another unfortunate accident a few years back. I was minding my own business, watching a local parade, when one of a group of teeny-tiny, tiny-teeny, tiny little cars left the parade route, plunged into the crowd and mowed me down. When I regained consciousness, first aid was being administered by a group of jolly gentlemen wearing the way-cool skypiece that I now know to be the Fez. Eureka! The perfect cover… made with my misshapen melon in mind!

(Although, due to my cranial anomaly, I couldn’t pass the physical to officially join their jolly ranks {go figure}, I decided “F*** them, I’ll just buy my own damn Fez”.)

The rest is Feztory.

p.s. I am also a player/collector of ukuleles (see photo) and keeper of a humble (really humble) website “Catfish’s Closet” dedicated to all things uke  (Fez #’s 8, 17, & 18 grace the “Rogue’s Gallery” section of my website).

That should count for something, right?

Catfish (AKA Carl Schneider)

You’ve come to the right place, Catfish. Scan a few of our POW photos and and you’ll see no shortage of misshapen heads and snappy fashion. And, yes, lots and lots of ukuleles.

Please rise and join me in welcoming Fez #47, Catfish!


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