Tom Boman, Fez #15


“It is with great personal pleasure I request membership in your sacred organization. As I write this, the haunting sounds of Steely Dan’s “The Fez” is floating from my speakers (cut 5 from the album The Royal Scam). I have always felt the need to “check off” certain things from my Life List. Being a member of a secret, underground, don’t-call-us-we’ll-call-you, what are you lookin’ at, happy go lucky group of like-minded individuals who all believe different things is on the list. If allowed to be a Fez wearing member of this fraternity, I pledge to uphold all the rules and pageantry it deserves. Unless, of course, not upholding all the rules and pageantry is the direction you’d rather go. I look forward to your decision. PS: Does tassel length factor into the decision?”

“Sacred organization?” Perhaps Tom thinks he is applying for the priesthood, where they don’t wear cool hats until you reach the very top of the organization. His reference to “this fraternity” hints at rush week keggers with drunken co-eds “soul kissing” for their My Space photo page. Sorry, Tom. OOTF is hardly a fraternity. Not only does Tom have the requisite fez, he looks damned good in it. If we ever have an OOTF harem, I think Tom would make a damn fine eunuch. As for tassel length, I’m not even sure a tassel is required. But in the OOTF, size does not does not matter. Close observers will note that Tom opted for the ears-tucked-inside-the-fez style, something we have not seen before. And did anyone count the number of times Tom stroked his tassel? I lost track. Shall we all give our newest member some comment love? PS: Tom is Director of Operations for Learfield Sports and works in the same building with smays (#1) and lives in Columbia, MO.


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